why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
