I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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