So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
