Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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