You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
