Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
