I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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