What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
