he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
