My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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