We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
