I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
