There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
