yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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