I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
