the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
