Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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