i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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