Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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