I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
