So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
