I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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