ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
