he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
