I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
