He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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