Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
