so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
