Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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