I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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