So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
