They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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