You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
