It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
