I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
