I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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