I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
