You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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