Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
