TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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