god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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