If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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