I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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