Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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