I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We have started to decorate penises.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
