I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
