this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
