i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
