Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
