I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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