I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
