I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You need Xanax blowdarts
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
