i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
