if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
