Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
