grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
