I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
