Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
