dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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